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The Trust-Risk-Self-Compassion Triangle
Healing and moving forward involves navigating the trust-risk-self-compassion triangle. This framework can help you understand the interconnected aspects of recovery from betrayal.
Navigating the Triangle:
Trust: The First Step Towards Healing
Rebuilding trust is a foundational step in overcoming betrayal. However, it doesn’t mean you need to blindly trust your partner again immediately. Instead, focus on rebuilding a little trust, step by step.
Rebuild a Little Trust
Start by acknowledging small gestures of goodwill from your partner. These can be acts that demonstrate reliability, honesty, and care. Trust is not an all-or-nothing proposition. By recognizing and valuing these small steps, you begin to lay the groundwork for deeper trust to develop over time. This gradual rebuilding helps to reestablish a sense of security in the relationship.
Practical Steps
Consistent Actions: Notice and appreciate consistent, trustworthy behaviour from your partner.
Open Communication: Encourage honest conversations about feelings, fears, and hopes.
Shared Activities: Engage in activities that promote mutual understanding and collaboration.
Risk: Embracing Vulnerability for Growth
Taking risks after betrayal can feel incredibly daunting. However, new experiences and growth are only possible if you are willing to step out of your comfort zone and embrace vulnerability.
Willingness to Take Risks
Risk involves being open to the possibility of being hurt again, but it is also where new opportunities and deeper connections lie. By taking small, manageable risks, such as sharing your feelings or making plans for the future, you can begin to rebuild intimacy and trust. These risks are necessary for fostering a stronger, more resilient relationship.
Practical Steps
Small Steps: Start with low-stakes risks, such as expressing a need or desire.
Positive Reinforcement: Celebrate and acknowledge successful risk-taking moments.
Support Network: Lean on friends, family, or a therapist for encouragement and support.
Self-Compassion: The Key to Inner Strength
Self-compassion is crucial when dealing with betrayal. It involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend, especially in moments of doubt and pain.
Practising Self-Compassion
Recognize that you don’t know the outcome of your efforts, and it’s important not to turn against yourself for trying. Promise yourself that you won’t judge yourself harshly for being vulnerable or for taking steps towards healing. Self-compassion allows you to navigate the uncertainties of rebuilding trust and taking risks with a gentler and more forgiving mindset.
Practical Steps
Mindfulness: Practice being present and aware of your emotions without judgment.
Self-Kindness: Treat yourself with kindness and patience, especially when facing setbacks.
Self-Reflection: Regularly reflect on your progress and acknowledge your strengths and efforts.
Embracing the journey
Rather than feeling helpless, recognize your inherent power to be brave, resilient, and kind in the face of betrayal. By addressing old pains, forgiving yourself, and understanding the dynamics of forgiveness and trust, you can navigate the path to healing and personal growth. Embrace the journey with compassion and courage, knowing that each step forward is a testament to your strength and resilience. Understanding why it’s hard to get over betrayal is the first step to overcoming it and transforming the pain into a catalyst for profound personal and relational growth.
Couples Therapy
Our couples therapy sessions are here to guide you through navigating the trust-risk-self-compassion triangle. We provide the support and tools you need to rebuild trust, take healthy risks, and practice self-compassion. Together, we will work towards healing and strengthening your relationship, empowering you to move forward with renewed confidence and connection. For more on couples therapy click here.
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